Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
