i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
