No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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