It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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