he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
