the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
