how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
