If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
