If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
