i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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