plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
