yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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