i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
