worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
