I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
where are you?
Hypothermia
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
