My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
