worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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