in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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