**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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