My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
