dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
