I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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