I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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