Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
