He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
