She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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