i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
