just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
