it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
