Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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