Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Everything about him screamed your future.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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