I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
