I seem to have left my pride at pride
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
