If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
