i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
