1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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