dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
