The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
