They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
