Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
