this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
