The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm passing your future prison.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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