he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
time to smoke my breakfast
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
