Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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