Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
