We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
