My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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