I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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