Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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