Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
