wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
