Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
